75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck So, what are your thoughts? Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time.
Dirty Golf - pinterest.com 8.
157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Required fields are marked *. They have been there where we are standing now. In case he got a hole in one! Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Golf is very much like a love affair. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! 3. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. I give him the driver. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? I am a Musician. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. You shot an eight. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Everyday I'm Schauffele. Please add a link to this site. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Big pupils lead to big scores. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Nothing it should have ducked. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? To find a man's true character, play golf with him. "I'm the best. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15.
Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Hi there! "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. I chipped in from the rough! They dont have the heart for it.
Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Mini Golf Captions. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Learn More. All through the night they made wild love together. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. What do you call a lion playing golf? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Knock, knock As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Nothing. On the Green In Two. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. I . About 160 yards was his reply. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer?
Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy 3. P.G. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. happen again! -Lee Trevino Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Jack Benny. Please read here for more information.
3. Knock, knock Fore! He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. When is it too wet to play golf? I had a hole in nothing. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Another Ball in the Trees. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like.
86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download Have fun.
350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. My shaft is bent. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Toggle Navigation Menu . but I can show you what is!
56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Your email address will not be published. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? - Mickey Mantle. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Sir W.G. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T?
700 Golf Humor | Cartoons ideas | golf humor, golf, humor - Pinterest 3 / 10. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Just in case they get a slice! All he knows how to play with is Clubs! 6.
Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Your email address will not be published. Noah who? He was perfecting his swing. Im the best. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Because they might get a slice. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Their fore-fathers! Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. 1. Correct one fault at a time. Lift your head and spread your legs. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Always keep learning. My three keys to success: One, work hard.
18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies First and foremost, you must have confidence. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. - Bobby Jones What are a golfers favorite flowers? When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. You swing left and the ball goes right. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Fantastic 4-some. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. 5.
Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Missed the ball and sank the divot. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Basketball is a sport for black men. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. The guys who come The threesome were curious what was going on. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. The means are as important as the ends. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. ", Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. 4. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. When your golf cart capsizes.
Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. ~ Victor Hugo. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Spread your legs a little more. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Besides that, I love to explore. 9. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. He said. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Don't dirt your soul. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Andy who?
21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns In case they get a hole-in-one! It can be difficult. I stepped on a rake. Why a carrot as a logo? And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Two, be your own person. Dean Martin, He loved the game. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. The lowest score wins. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Wash your balls. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Go to the golf course. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. And it matters how we go about attaining them. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? P.G. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? I was actually enjoying it. Required fields are marked *. Andy. 3. 1. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". 1. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. The smile looks really good on you. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Golf is a lot like life. "If you break 100, watch your golf. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Are you a water hazard? All of them. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Dirty Golf Sayings. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Tiagra. Do you know what the Lama says? Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Sawdust City LLC. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. "Hockey is a sport for white men. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Why not! Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. I stepped on a rake.". The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. 3. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. 5. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. 2. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Whos there? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." 7. A dinner without wine. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. We have a threesome, care to join us? 2. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". when we were married," said the pouting wife. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. 8. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Funny Family Poems. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. What did the duck say to the golf ball? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Its to move on. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled.